I’m feeling a little uneasy…

So today was a pretty cool day until late tonight when my stepfather called and was somewhat rude by assuming that my girlfriend wouldn’t relay the call. I’m upset because I never gave my stepfather the number to where I was staying with my girlfriend. I bet he didn’t even call about anything. That’s what really pisses me off. Then I have to here my girlfriend be upset about it. It’s bad enough that she works all the time and we barely spend time together and when we do it’s like she’s edgy because she doesn’t get enough sleep or something. Or could it be that I am sensitive because I’m going through change (living in a different state, haven’t got a gig yet, and just basically a stay at home mother dealing with three kids all the time)??

I’m just at that point in my life where I am just tired of drama, problems especially petty ones, tired of arguing with folk, tired of proving myself, tired of everything. I want to live out the remainder of my life just being me. I just want to be a lesbian that loves to write, dress how I dress, talk how I talk, be myself and die happily and whoever disapproves well you know that saying, “you can kiss me where the sun don’t shine”!

I’m tired and I’m tired of being tired! I just wonder when the sun will shine for me…

 

Uncloseted

Yes. I took my mask off last year (2007) and shocked the world  when I revealed that I was a lesbian. Shocking for many reasons I guess; I was married to a man, I do have three beautiful children, and now I’m living with my soul mate, my high school sweetheart, my reason for breathing. I love her with the depths of my soul. My only complaint is that I didnt act on my feelings earlier rather I let others peoples thoughts on how I should live my life shape me into something that I am not.

If you ask me how it feels to be out of the closet, I would say that I feel free, I feel revived,  and my other passions and talents that I have, I showcase more. I am comfortable in my skin. I am genuinely happy.

Being myself is the greatest battle that I ever fought. I won that battle and now happiness has found its place in my soul!

Canvas

I started out on an empty canvas

Every intricate detail unwavering and put into creation

The silhouette of her face; her bones potently protruding and refined

Her eyebrows perfectly arched to the symmetry of her face

Intense almond shaped eyes; dark brown with extensive lashes

And her eyes look exotic; hence the gold eye shadow I vicariously added with the tip of my index finger

I made sure to use soft strokes…

A small button nose based at the center of her face

Her lips slightly full with a smile that brightens up a dark and vacant room

Beauty should be her alias

Natural curly hair; dark brown and full of luster

Lustrous like a fine mineral found beneath the continent of Africa

I pictured her hair smelled of a ripened mango that had been kissed by the sun

There is something about this canvas that is incomplete

I began to sketch each of her body proportions

Her neck was thin and firm

Breasts fully developed; voluptuous, upward, and attentive

Nipples ripened like a fresh cantaloupe

Her stomach soft and sensual

Thighs thick and succulent like a warm flourless waffle with a scoop of vanilla ice cream

I painted her perfectly and left her bare naked

She stood on the canvas exquisitely radiant in a pair of hot pink pumps

 

 

The Psychology of Colors and the Philosophy of Lesbianism

Life

Red is intensity, rage, Rapacity, fierceness, passionate, exciting, fervid, and active. As lesbians we must express ourselves passionately, hold our heads high with fierceness, become vehement and active members of the glbt community, and remain fervid and enraged that in 2008 we still have to fight for the right to be who we are among our heterocentric counterparts. We are still [red] UCED to and governed by what society sees fit.

Healing

Orange is happiness, confidence, and resourcefulness. Lesbians that are [out] are full of confidence, and resourceful in providing guidance and tips on how to come out of the closet with dignity. The lesbians that haven’t come out just haven’t found their confidence but once you have found yourself and understand who you are inside and out, happiness will follow.

Sun

Yellow is optimism, idealism, sunshine, covetousness, inspiration, and spirituality. In an idealist world, lesbians are accepted by everyone. We (homocentric and heterocentric) cohabitate and all is well. The grey HAZE OVER the clouds disappears forever and sunshine illuminates the sky all across the world. We can’t forget about the dynasty of lesbians who hold a prominent status in society and continue to dazzle and inspire other lesbians; optimism that lesbians can be who they are and achieve greatness. Some of the great lesbians include K.D. lang, Portia de Rossi, Ellen Degeneres, Jennifer Beals, Melissa Etheridge, Rosie O’Donnell, etc.

Nature

Green is health, goodluck, renewal, conservatism, misfortune, vigor, and envy. we are thought to be hyper-sexed, out-of-control, an abomination. Lesbians are every bit as much filled with conservatism as heterocentric individuals. We have functional, loving, healthy, caring relationships and are as capable as anyone else of raising children whether they are adopted or natural. Lesbians and all individuals functioning in society have experinced fortune and misfortune.  We also have so much vigor in us the way we parade the streets every year in june celebrating yet another year of us, another year of diversity. Lesbians believe in a healthy mind, body, and spirit. Still we fight the predator that took many of us over and still there is no cure…

Art

Blue is peace, tranquility, harmony, calmness, cleanliness, and depression. A life filled with peace and harmony is the life that lesbians also strive for. Harmony is the hopes that the disease of homophobia will disappear, all hate will cease; tranquility yields its beuatiful face and this sometimes depressing society is no more.

 

Spirit

Purple is enlightenment, royalty, and spirituality. Some lesbians happily embrace the words of the good lord. Some choose not to worship because they were told to be a lesbian and have love for god is an abomination, a sin. Enlightenment is knowing that god loves us all. Enlightenment is also knowing that [he] can only judge you! God wants us to do his work and follow in his good spirit. Lesbians, it is ok to carry the spirit of your lifestyle and the spirit of the lord with you!

 

 

 

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